Lake and Sumter Style Magazine
06:09 am
24 January 2019

Typewriter Man!

A fresh page among stale tales.

Voiceover: In a world of summer blockbusters, computer effects, and ridiculous storylines, one man wages a battle against insurmountable odds: to make people read his column.

(As the sun rises in Smallburg, little Jimmy walks up to Typewriter Man, who’s trying to get from the beginning of his column to the end of his column.)

Jimmy: Hiya, Typewriter Man! Boy, you’re the super-est of the superheroes! Show me what you can do!

Typewriter Man: Well, I used to make an original document and a carbon copy—at the same time! But they don’t make parts for me anymore, Jimmy. Now it’s hard to get a word in edgewise with all the competition for readers’ attention…

J: Look out, Typewriter Man! The velociraptors are on the loose!

T: Great Caesar’s ghost! You’d think they would’ve run their course by now. Look at that mess they left on the page. What’s that little speck?

J: Looks like Ant-Man.

T: No, it’s just Paul Rudd. He’s more like a cockroach. Just keeps coming back. I’ll give him a nice squish. Let’s head to the middle of the column, usually nothing’s going on there. Wait, what’s that structure up ahead? It’s transforming…

J: Holy erector set, Typewriter Man! It’s a giant supercomputer!

T: Wanting to kick my “S,” no doubt!

J: Now it’s turning into a robot. Now it looks like an alien. Now it looks like the Hulk with a monkey face. Now it’s Sandra Bullock. Now it looks like a fidget spinner. Now it’s a toy poodle.

T: I think we’re safe for now, Jimmy. I just hope we don’t run into any villains.

J: Wha…wha…what’s that thing with horns on its head?

T: The most hellish villain of all. An editor. Or it could be a zombie. Hard to tell. We’re short on space, run for it! Wait. Never mind. The velociraptors got the editor. Eew. Look away, Jimmy.

J: Typewriter Man, look! The words…we’re falling off the page!

T: Must…hang…on. I see a helicopter in the distance. It’s being flown by…Tom Cruise! Or maybe Jack Black. Hard to tell. Writing quickly, the column ended…oh, no! We’re dangling from a participle…aaaahhhh!

Coming in summer 2019: “Typewriter Man: The Final Keystroke.”