James Comb’s the Hit List

hit-list


1 // A 20-year-old Oxford man arrested for marijuana possession told arresting officers that he was happy about Dallas police officers being shot. Dude, it’s time to get your life together and quit blaming cops for your troubles. For you, the stakes have never been “higher.”

2 // A grandmother sprayed a garden hose at two sisters who were engaged in a knife fight near her Wildwood home. Haven’t they heard? You never bring a knife to a garden hose fight.

3 // A resident of The Villages was stopped while driving the wrong way at Lake Sumter Landing. He told the officer he was diabetic, but his blood-alcohol level registered at .335. I think this guy should be a congressman. He’s very reckless and oblivious to what is going on.

4 // A suspect described as an “older white male” is believed to have stolen a bottle of “Sex Appeal” cologne at the Wal-Mart in Summerfield. Apparently, he was striking out with his famous pick-up line: “I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up!”

5 // A Leesburg man was arrested after repeatedly ramming the gate of a golf cart dealership and driving off with an expensive cart. To put this in golf terminology, at least we now know what his handicap is.

6 // The Golden Triangle YMCA in Tavares recently introduced a co-ed adult kickball league. Maybe they should call the league “New Kicks on the Block.”

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