James Combs’ The Hit List

  1. A Fruitland Park woman called the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission after spotting a rhesus macaque monkey in her neighborhood. Some people might find that strange. I think the animal is just a chimp off the old block.
  2. A brawl broke out inside a local McDonald’s and carried over into the parking lot, landing an 18-year-old Lady Lake woman in jail. Lesson learned: If you’re feeling angry at McDonald’s, then you should order a “happy” meal.
  3. In recent months, signs advertising legal marijuana have appeared near shopping plazas in Clermont. State Department of Health officials say they are a scam. When police come close to solving this case, I bet one of the perpetrators says to his partner in crime, “Dude, we have to blow this joint!”
  4. Leesburg city commissioners voted to sell 1,938 acres to The Villages for houses and commercial use. Get ready, Leesburg, you’re about to have it all…picturesque golf courses, beautiful custom homes, a bustling town square, golf cart accidents, sexually transmitted diseases. Enjoy!
  5. The Venetian Gardens Splash Pad and Pavilion recently opened in Leesburg. Given the sizzling summer heat, there’s no doubt it will be a popular attraction. Let’s just hope it doesn’t become the outdoor version of Wal-Mart.
  6. Former NBA star Shaquille O’Neal, who campaigned for Sandy Carpenter during the 2004 Lake County sheriff’s race, says he would like to run for sheriff in 2020. He hasn’t indicated where. Thanks to his basketball popularity, any election he enters should be a slam-dunk victory.