James Combs’ The Hit List

  • According to the Eustis Police Department, a 26-year-old man used a baby stroller to steal shampoo from a local grocery store. This guy apparently isn’t right in the head…and shoulders.
  • A Eustis woman is facing felony battery charges after police say she hit her boyfriend over the head with a roller skate and broke it. Let’s be perfectly clear about something. This wasn’t a hate crime; it was a skate crime.
  • After $5,500 worth of damage was done to her vehicle, a Clermont woman is suing Toyota, claiming that the soy-based insulation made the wires a tasty treat for rats, mice and squirrels. Toyota officials deny these accusations, saying that all their vehicles are mouse-terpieces.
  • A branch supervisor of a Lake County library was fired after an investigation uncovered he knew about a fellow employee who created a fake account to check out books. The fake account was created to keep the library’s book collection intact. Much like some of those books, his firing was long overdue. It’s time he underwent some serious shelf-reflection.
  • A handyman stole $32,000 from the checking account of a 77-year-old retired Navy veteran in The Villages. Apparently, the handyman was providing lawn care for the elderly man. Lawn care, eh? After being caught for this heinous crime, I think it’s safe to say he can kiss his grass goodbye.
  • A 33-year-old woman visiting her parents in The Villages was arrested after struggling with a man over possession of a cell phone and grabbing him by his genitals. I’ve got to give her credit. She was “balls in” for this one.