James Combs’ HIT LIST, June 2016

hit-list

1 // A patient at a Lake County hospital was accused of possibly contaminating thousands of dollars worth of medication after he reportedly urinated on a refrigerator. He ‘bladder’ clean it up or else risk ‘dampening’ the spirits of other patients.

2 // For the third straight year, The Villages was recognized as the fastest-growing metro area, according to figures released by the U.S. Census Bureau. That’s no surprise considering all the lovely sights you see in The Villages. You know, picturesque golf courses, beautiful custom homes, Spanish- style architecture…people having sex in public venues.

3 // A student at a Lake County elementary school brought a BB gun on campus but was not planning to harm anyone. I wish show-and-tell was that cool when I was a kid.

4 // A 23-year-old Leesburg man was arrested after hitting a dog, throwing a cat, and then punching his girlfriend who tried to intervene. Maybe they should make a movie after this and call it “The Texas ChainPaw Massacre.”

5 // A 43-year-old Clermont man was arrested for aggravated assault and attempted burglary after stabbing his mother’s front door with a pitchfork and trying to pry the door off its hinges. Apparently, he was attempting to get some of her pain pills. She should have offered him Viagra. Then he would’ve had something to hold onto while she repeatedly slapped him upside the head.

6 // Popular game show personality Vanna White recently visited The Villages to help launch the Florida Lottery’s newest $5 scratch-off game, Wheel of Fortune. We don’t need to buy any consonants or vowels to know what single Village men were thinking: W__LL YO__ __ARRY M__?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

X